Choosing Your Marriage Everyday
Choosing your marriage everyday. Union in a marriage means choosing your partner and being chosen. Being chosen is applicable to many areas in a relationship and is really the atoms and molecules of a successful marriage. Two commonalities I see among the strong couples I know that are still in love are: Unity and Teamwork (and implicit in this are many key things like respect, trust, honesty, commitment, encouragement, and so on). They hold themselves and each other accountable for their contributions in their marriages, as well as, choose one another on a daily basis. No person enjoys feeling “not chosen” or dismissed in a marriage.
It’s a recipe for disconnection and disaster when you don’t set standards of respect for how you allow people to treat your spouse & how you also allow yourself to treat your spouse. It’s important to regularly reflect on your marriage-your strengths and needs improvements in wanting to stay married and continuing to build together. You have to really want to be married to choose your partner everyday and maintain a healthy united relationship. My husband and I make decisions together- we don’t sweep things under the rug and let it accumulate, we address our differences respectfully, give others boundaries around our marriage (two is company, three is a crowd), and we advocate for, as well as, defend one another when needed.
Stand beside one another, safeguard, and waterproof your marriage. Choosing to always stand united as a team from anyone who attempts to negatively influence your marriage (whether they’re family, friends, strangers) is an important part of marriage. I would not allow anyone to mistreat/exclude my life partner, as he would not allow anyone to mistreat me. In today’s world, people are accustomed to negative expectations of marriage (i.e. it is estimated that 50% of them end in divorce, and this number does not include the people still unhappily married without that spark). Some also succeed at distancing people in their marriages because partners have allowed others to influence them in their “not choosing” of their partner, dismissal of feelings, or abandonment of partner. The reality is that lifelong connected marriages can and do exist, but only because partners choose one another daily in the small and big things, and continually do lifetime work in their marriages. This is why Choosing is utmost powerful in marriages- because it wasn’t mandatory and you chose to dedicate the rest of your life to your partner. Life surely can go on without them yet you choose to spend your life building a new one with them.
To choose and be chosen by the one you love everyday is the antidote of past/childhood inner woundings. To be chosen by someone, advocated by someone, and defended by someone promotes healing- it is restorative, curative, and empowering.
Mindful Journeys MFT, anxiety counseling nyc, trauma counseling nyc, individual therapy nyc.