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Have you experienced trauma, abandonment, or abuse?

Trauma recovery is a long difficult journey that becomes more manageable with time and re-building. When people experience trauma, they are often left in a state of panic, depression, hopelessness, anxiety, or fear. These are natural responses to considerably stressful events that fragment a person’s worldview, security, and really leave a person feeling helpless and dis-empowered.

While many traumatic events are usually life threatening and involve physical harm, any situation that leaves you to feel frightened, fearful, alone, helpless, and unsafe is traumatic.  No trauma experience can ever be minimized. Your experience is real and your pain is valid.

Most people experience trauma in their bodies. Ever feel choked up, teary-eyed, angry, or even trying so hard to avoid, when you think of or talk about something that happened in your childhood that was hurtful to you? Trauma can affect the lens in which people navigate the world, feeling unsafe, feeling triggered and on heightened alert on the defensive. These are all natural ways your body and psyche try to combat and deal with such hurtful and painful memories. If you have experienced painful memories of abandonment in your childhood with an absence of a parent or parental rejection, it is really common and normal to grow experiencing some issues with attachment that can spill over to how you interact with your partner, friends, and the world. It is possible to experience hurt, fear, and anger that are remnants of the past until many years after any trauma, or painful memory took place.

It’s important for trauma survivors, adults with painful childhood memories, and adults that experienced parental abandonment or rejection as children to really begin to come in contact with how they feel in their bodies when interacting with others, including family and parents. Many times, children and adults are cultured to honor their parents and forgive, even when parents have abandoned or have been abusive to them, which encourage these adults to ignore their deep-rooted feelings of hurt and betrayal toward their parents and trade in their feelings to allow for moral perspective. This trade-off many times manifest in anxiety and somatic symptoms in their bodies, and grave feelings of “something just isn’t right!”, and is truly self sabotaging for the esteem of any person. You have a right to your feelings and decisions and do not ever have to expose yourself to any environment that is/was abusive or hurtful to you. You have a right to assert yourself, set your boundaries and say “No!” to something that is hurtful to you, which is really saying “Yes” to yourself.

Survivors of trauma typically feel shame, guilt, and anger from the trauma. Many trauma survivors feel there is no other way to live and see no turning back from their childhoods, or past abusive situations. Some of this deep shame, fear, and sadness manifests in anger for some people. Anger is a secondary emotion, beneath a person that appears impulsive and explosive in anger, there is a deep wounding and probable feelings of insecurity, fear, sadness, hurt, anxiety that are the real roots needing attention and a safe place for vulnerable expression.

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