What is your relationship to Self?
When we’re finding ourselves unforgiving of others when they’re unintentionally hurt us, it may be helpful to also look within and see if this is also how we treat and see ourselves. Remember- as within so without, as above so below.
This post isn’t meant to necessarily discuss forgiveness. Forgiveness can mean different things to differing people and there are circumstances, especially with survivors of trauma where forgiveness is very complicated. This isn’t that post. I believe in supporting the decision of survivors to forgive or not forgive their perpetrators in the ways that are important to them if they believe it brings healing to them.
I am talking about when we’re finding ourselves angry and punishing of people we love-even when a part of us knows their mistakes don’t define us or were unintentional. We hold the anger and resentment, we may even want to punish through neglect (like silent treatment) or verbal disparaging—but even after all is said and done, when we make amends with the loved one that hurt our feelings- there’s still a part of us holding anger toward this person.
If you find that this is you, it may be helpful to think about how you also treat yourself when you make mistakes and hurt others. Do you hold yourself accountable? Do you forgive yourself or do you continue to punish yourself?
The way we treat others is a mirror into how we also treat ourselves. The rule we use to measure ourselves is the same ruler we use to measure others. If we’re holding others to high unrealistic expectations, consider whether you’re also holding yourself to high unrealistic expectations. The way you relate to others can be very symbolic to your relationship with Self.
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