We carry what has happened to our ancestors within our bodies and interact with the world unconsciously carrying them into spaces with us. What is left unresolved in families continues to be passed down generationally. We carry the pain of our families. Mark Wolynn has written a remarkable book about intergenerational trauma, called It Didn’t Start With You, and stated “Perhaps your mother carried a wounding from her mother and was unable to give you what she didn’t get. Her parenting skills would be limited by what she didn’t receive from her parents.”
Pain that is not transformed is transferred. We know this to be true in present day relationships…when we have arguments with our partners, friends, colleagues, children, or family— sometimes there are more people in the room with us not seen with the naked eye.
Then there are also times where we don’t even understand where the anxiety, chronic pain, depression is coming from— but it consumes us and we can’t shake it off, we can’t pinpoint any developmental trauma we’ve endured—but something just doesn’t feel complete and we feel like we’re missing a piece of our inner puzzle that completes us. It may be that we’re still carrying something of the past from our family.
The good news is that when we shed a light on the past, we can begin to piece together the puzzle and begin the healing journey. It all starts with becoming conscious of your past, telling your story (and your family’s story)—slowly and safely, to begin breaking the cycle and re-learning new healthier patterns, boundaries, skills, relationship to Self, and compassion.
This work can be difficult, but the work can culminate in inner peace—in a holistic understanding of everything that makes you who you are—traumas of the past are not the only thing passed down throughout generations— so is posttraumatic Resilience. When we’ve had to live through something really hard and life-changing, we develop such strong resilience to survivorship. I hope to can hold onto the fact that YOU are resilient…and you are not alone.
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