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Commemorating Mothers’ Day

I can’t remember growing up If I ever wanted to be a mother. I don’t remember ever really envisioning a wedding day or marriage. I just have always wanted to grow and be my truest self, separate from anyone and anything. Being a mother has been a sacred gift for me. It was a path I chose to embark on at age 32. My 1stwas born and he became my guiding light. He taught me how to love more deeply and unconditionally. He also taught me how precious and valuable time was and how quickly it passes. He taught me, by practice, the importance of mindfulness and the delicacy of another’s spirit and existence. 

My 2ndwas born two years after. They would further teach me that no two people are alike. That nature and nurture cannot replicate the same humans, and to see strengths and beauty in all possibilities. I would continue to learn my flaws and shortcomings as a human, how some of my unresolved pain can become theirs if I’m not intentional and proactive in my healing, and how difficult it can feel to not be in control of my environment and the world (or others). 

Their spirits have taught me the depths of love and the endless measure of my love. Being a mother has also shown the light on the deep anguish I feel when I feel helpless about the cruelty and intolerance of the world.

If you ask me how my work with trauma survivors (and being a survivor myself) has changed me, I would tell you that while I see the miracles of the world I also see its pain and darkness with a stronger lens…and want to protect my littles from it….though I also know that the only way I can do that is by continuing to heal myself, and help build their sense of competency, self love, self-witness, and self-efficacy. 

It is true that the biggest way we can honor ourselves and our ancestors is by breaking free from the chains of their pain. Healing our inherited pain helps their healing, and part of my code of honor is to make my ancestors smile and be proud of who I am and am becoming. 

If you find yourself commemorating Mother’s Day with loss (because of bereavement, or because your mother was a hurtful role model for you) know that this day is for you to feel what you need to feel—and honor your resilience through the pain you’ve endured. Life can be beautiful, but it is also very hard and unfair and unforgiving at times. Please be gentle with yourself. Know that you matter. Know that you have the power to heal. Know that you have the right to your pain and you have a right to release it when you’re ready. 

Sending you love. 

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