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Knowing your True Self

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”  -Marianne Williamson

Ever feel like you are afraid to be who you are, or live to your fullest potential because you are afraid people will judge you, reject or ostracize you? Ever feel like you work hard to do the right thing, dedicate yourself to your studies, marriage, personal growth and some people surrounding you discourage/protest against your growth and change? Ever allow negative conceptions about yourself to ruminate your mind and not allow you to live freely with love for yourself? Ever held back from giving 100% of yourself to someone or something because you were trying to people-please? We all have done this at one point or another.

As the ancients have said- “As above so below; As within, so without.” Your outside world is a reflection of your inside world.  In other words, your thoughts become your livelihood. The connection between our thoughts and our lives are inseparable. The degree to which our thoughts are out of control is the degree to which our lives and relationships feel out of control. For example, a person that has hopeless thoughts is more likely to be a depressed person; a person with angry thoughts is more likely to have a more aggressive personality; and a person that is very judgmental to self is most likely holding the same judgmental attitude toward others. The same ruler we use to measure ourselves, is the same ruler we use to measure others.

The human psyche is comprised of different parts of self. As I posted in my previous blog entry, we each have protector pieces– one of which serves to protect your inner child wounding. Moreover, we all have multi-parts of the Self – the True self, and the False self. We all have an inner blue print, like the rosebud, and are created and molded to be a unique design. Throughout our lives and experiences, we develop personalities to allow us to safely interact with the world. Some of us develop hard protective shells because of a specific trauma or abandonment we suffered in childhood or in abusive relationships, being bullied in school, being rejected by others, and all other experiences that one can understand why people would grow protector pieces, defense mechanisms, or personalities that maintain a tough guise with the world. I like to think of our personalities as “What the world would like us to be”, or the “How to survive in the world guide”, but not who we truly are. Our personalities, like our Ego, Id, Superego, are not static and are ever changing and interacting with the communities we are a part of. Our personalities are constructed to avoid vulnerability so that we disconnect with our own inner feelings of vulnerability such as helplessness, self-doubt, feelings of failure, self-loathing, and feelings of not being “good enough”. Our personalities are linked to our False self. The False self tells you of your fears, your weaknesses, negative past experiences, and negative messages you’ve ingrained from unhealthy family dynamics, witnessing/experiencing abuse in childhood, and other hurtful or traumatic experiences.

The True self, which I refer to as one’s Essence, knows your unequivocal strength, wisdom, blueprint. The True self is a constant, always was and will be- before living your trauma, before your abusive relationships, before being bullied, before you ever experienced rejection, pain, and so on.

When I was a Marriage and Family Therapy intern in Hawai’i in 2008, a colleague and I facilitated a Survivors of Abuse Group and we incorporated an exercise using a lamp:

If you place several scarves over a lamp, you will see that the layers of scarves dim the light in the room, but will not extinguish it. You will notice that the light from the lamp still shines at the very bottom, baseline level of the lamp, and if you remove the scarves- you will know that the light has always shined bright beneath them.

Let the scarves be your negative experiences – your trauma and hurts. Like the lamp, your inner light, your true self, while dimmed with the negative layers, still shines bright within you. All you have to do is remove the many layers of hurts and pain you are holding onto, so that you may free yourself and live with complete connection to your Essence.

Letting go of trauma, memories of unfairness, or people that have betrayed and hurt you in any way is one of the most difficult things to do. However, letting go does not mean they are exempt from accountability of their hurtful actions, or does not mean that they were right in their decisions, and it sure does mean you get to have your feelings, but only means that you will not dim your light for them anymore.

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